Three years ago, we started planning for you. We started looking at options. We didn’t want you to have CF. We knew there was a chance if we went the natural way. But we heard of other options that might ensure you wouldn’t have it. We prayed, we read, we talked to doctors, to our pastor and to our family and friends. We considered all our options. We waffled and we changed our minds on several occasions. We went through one unsuccessful round of IVF and I was heartbroken. As we were preparing for a second round, I felt God leading me away from it. I didn’t feel at peace. But when I gave it to God and said, let it be as You will have it, I finally felt that peace surrounding me.
We fell in love with you before we ever saw you. Then you were born and all seemed perfect in the world. Except for that one question hovering in everyone’s mind. Do you have CF or not? The answer to that question had been long awaited. The past 3 years had been focused on trying to control the answer to that question until we eventually just let go and left it up to God.
Then, we got the call. You were 8 days old. We were expecting the call, so hour by hour, minute by minute, we sat anxiously waiting to hear. The phone rang and my heart started racing before I even answered. Then she spoke, and I knew. I knew by the way she said my name. My heart raced even faster and then she said it…with hesitation, she said, “Mackenzie has the same DNA as her sister…she also has 2 copies of DeltaF508.” As CF parents, we knew exactly what that meant. You had cystic fibrosis too. We sobbed. Our world was crashing down. How could it be!? I thought God had promised me this wouldn’t happen again. I was in total shock. Disbelief. Anger! Disappointment. Hurt. Sadness. Overwhelming grief.
Acceptance came slower this time somehow. But it came.
I still don’t like it. It is still so hard and I still wish this weren’t true. But at the same time, it makes you, YOU! And God made you perfectly! And He gave you to us. Things worked out the way they did because we were supposed to have YOU, just as you are. CF doesn’t define you and it never will. It’s just part of you. I marvel at God’s work when I look at your sweet, delicate face. He doesn’t make mistakes. You are meant to be here Mackenzie Grace. God created you for a purpose. And I am so eternally grateful He chose me to be your mom.